Generosity... a hard lesson...

So, this month's theme at church is Generosity. It was just great timing!! Since we got married, we haven't got a month where our financial is predictable. Plus, having in-laws that needed support didn't make it easier. I was so used to using my money just for myself (well, I also didn't ask my parents for extra money). I was content with what I could buy and I was good at building my saving.

And the Bible says:
24 The world of the generous gets larger and larger; the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller. 25 The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped.
(Proverbs 11)

Wow. It didn't slap me right away but through the weeks when I was faced with unpredictable expenses and I tried to protect myself with my own power. I kept saying to myself that "is this the lifestyle we deserve to live?", "Whereelse can I cut my expense?", even to a cruel question such as "Why does my hubby only get this amount of income?"

Then, we were challenged to give excellent sacrifice in this week of Easter. I was thinking of the amount of X, which is the same as last year's sacrifice as a single. Then hubby said, "yes it's an easy number, but is it excellent enough? Do we want to put our faith in God's hands?" Wow. And I prepared my heart and said "OK, how about 2X?".

We know the theory that God will give back in multiplication, but whatever, we just want to give our sacrifice, Our blessings is not for us to demand, but it's in God's timing and favor. But the next day I was calling around for one thing that I urgently needed to buy, and peace of God overflowed my heart (it is till now) finding that I can get that one thing at a much lower price than what I would have guessed. And the next day after that, hubby said that suddenly out of nowhere, his boss gave him some shopping vouchers. It was not that big of an amount (not even covered the price for that "thing"), but for me it is the proof that Godly theory of generosity does work.

³⁵ In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ 
(Acts 20)

What have I achieved so far?

Haduh, lotsa things happened. Jadi ceritanya si Gembul dijanjiin promosi sama bosnya sesaat sebelum si bos dipindahkan ke divisi lain. Katanya sih awal tahun ini (biasa kenaikan gaji resmi diumumkan/berlaku di bulan Feb). Mulailah dia menghitung2 dan merencanakan kebutuhan tahun ini yang emang so significant and life-changing itu. Turned out, the reality is not as predicted. Mulai deh kebat-kebit. Gw juga ikutan stress. But he said: "kamu ngapain ikut stress? Biar aku aja yg mikirin...". Dalam hati: 'Ya iyalah, kan nyangkut ke hidup gw juga...". Time goes by, ada beberapa titik terang yang muncul. Sepertinya keadaannya ga seburuk itu. Gw mulai yakin lagi kalo memang Tuhan berkenan, Tuhan yang akan menyediakan (ya sebelumnya juga yakin sih... tapi kan jadi lebih mantep gituh).

Kemarin waktu telponan sama Gembul, dia cerita tentang beberapa hal yg terjadi di komunitas cell groupnya. And I was very very proud of him. Not something formal or grand, but I know God wants to bring him up and be blessings to others around him. So proud of him and I told him: "Promotion from work can be postponed, but God promotes you. It's more precious". In the same time, I was thinking: 'How about me? What have I achieved so far?'.

One thing for sure, I found someone I can look up to. I remember on my first year of college, if I was asked what my criteria of choosing a partner, I would say: "yang bisa membuat kita masing-masing menjadi lebih baik lagi". Dan tahun-tahun berikutnya membuat gw yakin bahwa kalau memang di dalam hubungan, orang menjadi semakin mundur (terutama dalam karakter dan rohani), hampir pasti deh Tuhan tidak berkenan. Dan 1,5 tahun gw bersama Gembul, I've been seeing him improving in many different aspects. And again I was thinking: 'How about me? What have I achieved so far?'.